You know, I am SO GRATEFUL for immunosuppressant medications. Truly, I am… but at the same time, I kind of hate them.
I know, I know, it is an odd thing. I find myself feeling hypocritical for needing and loving my medications, while simultaneously despising and resenting them.
Before I had effective medications for my autoimmune disease, I dreamed of finding a way to manage my pain. To be fair, an untreated autoimmune disease is TERRIBLE, so that makes sense. When I was diagnosed I was over the moon happy! (As over the moon happy as a young person with a chronic diagnosis can be…) I started taking medications and seeing my disease surrender to its powerful effects. Well, surrender is the wrong word. My disease became less prevalent. At the same time, the medicine made me feel sort of sick.
I still don’t know what to think.
How can I be so dependent on medications, recognize how they help me, and still not like them?